Wednesday, May 13, 2015

When I heard we had to do a reflection on our blog, I knew that I would say I failed, but after thinking it over I realized I'm actually proud of my work. Although I didn't accomplish what I wanted to do at the beginning of the year, I realized things changed. I'm proud of the work I've done. If you told me that back in September that this is what I would have gotten done I would have been so disappointed in myself, but after everything I've been through I'm proud of my blog. I was able to inform people of celiac disease, and even though I never got to go to school to pass the flyers or organize a team for the celiac walk, I did my blog every week. At this point in my life that is the biggest accomplishment all year.

As you all know I have been home bound since December with some unidentifiable illness affecting my nervous system. How fitting that I chose celiac disease, before knowing that I would be going through exactly what people trying to get diagnosed with celiac would be going through. I think I was able to truly understand what people who have celiac have to go through. Countless doctors all telling them that's it's all in their head. I now know how that feels, it's awful, in case you were wondering. Luckily, I have three doctors on my team now that know there is a physical problem. While we still do not know what exactly is happening to me, we do know that I have to live day to day and make the very most of each good moment. 

Writing this blog post took five days for me, due to my brain issues and fatigue, but I did it. That in itself is a huge accomplishment for me. Over the course of this year I have learned the difference between failure and success. For me success is being able to make my own breakfast or get out of bed in the morning. It's being able to sit at the table and enjoy a family dinner. My blog is an example of a success I have achieved this year. Before this year however I would have called anything that didn't turn out the way I had planned as a failure. I have learned that success is in the moment. Success is defined by how you do things in each moment. Did you do your best in that moment, given what you know and what you are capable of achieving moment to moment? If you can answer, yes, you have succeeded. After going through this, I realized that the fact I was able to write my blog post and research more about celiac, that in itself, is a success in my book. Now of course I was late on a few blog posts, and I'm not proud of that. I should have started writing a few days earlier is all that would go through my mind when it was Sunday and I hadn't finished it yet. I would change that. I know that the road ahead of me is a hard one, but I also know that I will learn to succeed in my own way. I am a fighter. People dealing with chronic invisible diseases are fighters. They just happen to be fighting something no one can see. It can be a hard, lonely journey, but it can also make you stronger. I just find it so ironic that I set out to bring awareness to an invisible illness that I have and ended fighting another one in the process.

"Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough" -Og Mandido

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